I would like to start off by saying happy April Fool’s Day to everyone. With that said the US Department of Education has announced today that it will be paying the tuition bill for all students enrolled as a full-time student in a credited university in the United States. This means that the ‘average Joe’ will finally get funding to pay for his/her college education. Before the only people to receive money for college was athletes, minorities, foreign exchange students, extremely wealthy people with power, and extremely poor people.

The average student is no longer being stepped over but is being given a chance to shine! We are no longer being suppressed by lack of funding, financial struggles, and not being dumb but athletic enough to receive a full ride to college. The weight is being lifted from our shoulders so that we won’t have to work 20+ hours per week, limit our meals to two packets of Ramon noodles per day, or bum rides from other friends because we will now be able to keep some money in our bank accounts. What will happen with all this extra money that millions of college students will have at their disposal? We will shop!!

With hundreds, if not thousands of dollars at their disposal millions of college students across the country will go on massive shopping sprees; finally buy food, clothing, basic necessities such as toothpaste, deodorant and soap, perhaps even textbooks. This will be positive step forward for America as our nose diving economy will soon be stimulated by the spending of college students across the nation. It was all thanks to the help of our wonderful government finally deciding to give the average college student a chance to succeed. Suppressed no more, we will stand up to lead this country into a new era.

Other changes stimulated by this action will include communities joining together to clean up waste and begin working towards a greener future, gas prices falling to an all time low, government tax decreases for middle and lower class families, and Britney Spears finally cleaning her act up. This is a great step for everyone all because the system was changed to help the majority of college students instead of the latter. It seems as though the people in Washington finally work up from their 8 year nap and have decided to do something for our country instead of 3rd world countries who don’t even want our help. By distributing billions of dollars to the American college students instead of the Middle East to build sand dunes we will finally be able to regain our strength as the worlds strongest nation!

I wish this were true. Happy April Fool’s Day!